Chardonnay. So hot, she's to blame for global warming. I know, that was lame. Made in Canada! :)

Chardonnay. So hot, she's to blame for global warming. I know, that was lame. Made in Canada! :)


Chardonnay, one of the original¹ Vaginament ornaments. So hot, she's to blame for global warming. I know, that was lame. Made in Canada though, that's not lame!

Vaginament® ornaments are stitched entirely by hand, in my dining room, one at a time. Couture felt vagina, how great is that?

Each Vaginament comes with an affixed name + care tag, in it's own little leopard print bag. Bingo, bango, gift-ready vagina!

Hot tip: Hang your ornament from the rearview all year round, with a wee bit of thread, or use a magnet and hang it loud, hang it proud!

❤ This listing is for Chardonnay, the vaginament first pictured: pink / oats / fuchsia / white ❤

2.4" x 3.14" (62mm x 80mm, pre-stuffing) • inner + outer labia • 9mm bell • one embroidered snowflake

✂︎ Gently folded and hand sewn labia proffer an eye-popping multi-dimensional look, and a 9mm bell is nestled within the folds: this lends the perfect amount of quirk! Each ornament is lightly stuffed and finished with a precise, old-school blanket stitch.

"Every time a clitoris rings, a vaginament gets her wings!"

♛ Who is Chardonnay? This is how I reckon she'd be, given a heart beat and a pair of heels:

She's a girl on a mission, pounding the cobbles of Bristol's high street. She just discovered her travel sized Elnett's run out, this will not do! A weekend stay at her uncle's poncey flat in Highgate, with flyaways? Erm...No. She's moving at some clip now- no way she's missing that train to London. This girl needs to find a Boots, STAT!
Whew, made it. She's just had a final look at herself in the manky toilet at Temple Meads, fully tarted with her rouged cheeks and scousebrows, eyes lined with No7's finest smudgeproof kohl. Her fake tan blends seamlessly with her hairline, though it's a little on the orange side. She'll get a loofah to that later. The Croydon facelift's finally stopped throbbing, thanks to the Paracetamol she fished from the bottom of her handbag, leftovers from that underground last Saturday. She sinks into her seat for the ride, earbuds pumping Skrillex, feeling oh-so-fine in the pink Adidas shell suit Gran gave her for Christmas. She'll change once she gets to Paddington. You sooo know she'll strut into that club tonight, wearing her strappy, shiny, sparkly new top. She might leave the tags on and return it for shop credit on Monday.
She's called Chardonnay, she loves her shellsuits, and you can spot her a mile away. ♛

Menage photo credit to Sara Wilde Photography out of Hamilton, Ontario. She's as happy and lovely as I am, call her if you need a photographer xo

¹The design and construction of Vaginament® ornaments are property of Suzanne McAleenan, DBA Felt Melons, and are registered with the US Copyright Office. Vaginament® is a reg'd trademark with the USPTO.
TL;DR: You do not take anyone's vagina design without consent, let alone mine :)

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